Behold, the stalwart armoured car guards prepared to risk their lives guarding unconscionable bank profits! Until he finds out just what the armoured car guard gets paid! Behold, Bonzo and Clutz the daring armoured car bandits! Will they be shot during an attempted heist, read on and find out.

Oh, its you again... Yeah I know, it's been awhile since I did anything new but I'm incredibly lazy. I mean its not like I'm making any money doing this - I'm not even getting famous! All I ever get to look forward to is a fresh bowl of kitty dreck in the morning and endless hours in the desert of daytime TV.

Time to get back into shape, the new season is upon us! Time to climb back in the saddle agane. Old fart is told to haul his arse outa that chair, our audience awaits! Our fans have high expectations of our imminent return, and as an integral part of our small ensemble, we require his participation.

No, we don't want to see the ring in your tongue! No, we don't want to know about the perforations in your ears, nose, eyebrows, and tits. And we really don't want to see your other piercing in your nether regions. Yes, we display a lack of sensitivity to cultural differences.

The old fart is missing, his food bowl is empty, and he can't find the can opener! If he were to get out of bed before dark, he would have know that the old fart had an attack of appendicitis and he is in the hospital. They don't allow animals in the hospital. Yes, perhaps a little masquerade! With those clever disguises they can sneak into the hospital undetected.

We thought you wanted to play cowboys and Indians? But you say this cowboy costume we got you is all wrong! How can it be wrong? You might have asked for John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, maybe even Jimmy Stewart, but we got you looking like a float in a gay pride day parade!!!!!!!

Remember all the hoaxes folks about the Y2K problems that were going to wipe out all our computers, stop our cars from running, drop planes from the sky, run amuck with the banking machines, screw up the banks vaulting system and so on and so on. Well folks, it never happened, not a one. The clock rolled over without a single problem. But here is the dilemma that the cat and bird went through at that time.

Lookit, up in the nite sky. All those stars - so far away... They represent all the mysteries of the universe! All the really big questions! Black holes... big bang theory... the origins of all energy and matter. Yes mysteries indeed - like how come every time Mrs. Ruzniki turns over fresh dirt in her flower garden, every cat in the neighbourhood is able to take a dump in it inside of ten minutes?

Lookit, the great party shoes the cat has found in the old farts closet... a perfect fit. I wonders!!! There's no place like home! There's no place like home!! There's no place like home!!! Shit Toto... I think the tin man just ate me!

Lance is off to save the Universe! And what about all his faithful fans? Will he even care? The ones waiting for him to return! No time to waste! Time to go! Buckle up bird - this could get nasty! Have they got time for Tim Horton's and a donut before they take off to save the Universe? NO!!!!!!!!

Well, Mr. Grant just got back from Boobbuster and he's got a movie. The cat makes himself some popcorn and settles in for a night of movies. He hopes it will be the Sound of Music. To his horror it is not what he was expecting. The old fart went out on movie night and got himself one of those triple X rated movies.